I think I am Agnostic

God !! I should not be the one dwelling this topic.Toying this idea of agnosticsm.
I am the person who would do 108 rounds just to get a code working.But sometimes things change.Its not age.It is not maturity.It is not fear.It is jus how certain things happen in a coincidental sequence.(he he give me some credit for this phrase)
You will not believe it.but yeah that is wat it is.

Last week was a eventful week(Filled with lotsa events I mean).I got to attend this Bhagavath Gita class.It was a nice spiritual experience,assuring my 25 years belief in god and telling us that a creator really exists

Man, they got this sneaky way of telling people.They dont tell u
you should do this n that.They just tell u can follow this else you will be born as a dog or a pig in the next birth.Who wants to be a dog in next birth..not me..
That nearly killed me.So here I go chanting lords name and feeling slightly spiritual.

Things would have been really fine if I had stopped there.

Meddling the internet led me to this whirling Video .It is kind of funny with people wearing long skirts and whirling as if they dont have any job to do..It is absolutely hilarious..So i tried it.I got used to the habit of trying ridiculous things.It got me high.Belive me I was not drunk or anything.I strongly claimed I saw a mystic something whirling.

My roomie claims it is just the giddyness caused by whirling.That sounds logical too.
Then I laid my hands on the Osho videos.He says god is a problem and not a solution.And concept of God is a just a consolation and not truth.That gave me enough confusion

On a really bored day at office I read about Darwin just to find out what he told about origin of species.Just for fun.His theory is unbelievable.Not that I dint study in school or anything ,but never associated with anything.He did 50 years of research in transmutation.My curiousity knew no bounds when i ended up reading about Darwin for a whole day.He cant be lying.A comparison of his theory and bible,bhagavath gita drove me crazy.

If god created man then how can he evolve from Monkey?
 
Oh well things get worse here.I get this lousy dream where I am in a death bed and I figure out in the last minute that God is some one different.Diferent from Krishna,Jesus and Allah.Someone strange whom no one knows.
He just puts a finger at my face and says you never did anything for me."Go to Hell"
Here is where it gets absolutely crazy.I see myself whirling in the Orange flames of fire.Then I woke up looking for fire.

Does god really exist?If he does then are we celebrating the right god.
Doubts doubts from beginning to end.everything to anything.I think I am Agnostic.

Oh I dint forget to say my prayers..Just in case :)

Its all about asking

Most of the time we dont recognise the values we revere in our lives unless and until someone asks about it. I have always found it difficult to answer the question "What is your aim in life?".
I have answered this question in my job interviews and in college scrap books But never have been honest with the answer.

This post is not about finding answer to that question for I am not completely insane yet.(I hope atleast few people can attest that) Well It is about appreciating the art of being questioned. I used to ridicule an associate of mine for tracking my answers to questions like
"How many people did u fight with today ?"
"When was the last time u cried ?"

Dreading this questioning process I stopped fightin and crying unknowingly.Although I was never aware of the positive change it could bring,I was deeply disappointed when he said he had stopped tracking answers.

How good would it be if someone can ask you a series of questions everyday and track the answers for you?. It would be even better if they can analyze it and give some progress results. Instead of my mom saying "Eat vegetables and fruits" everytime on the phone, If someone can ask me"did u eat well today" ? on a day to day basis won't it be nice .

I turned to my best friend who has known me for years.We prepared a series of question we wanted to be asked with topics ranging from health,work and values. I work my day towards getting positive answers to all the questions.I am looking forward for the positive change!